Twitter Wit and Wisdom under the new ownership of Elon Musk

April 16, 2023

Twitter has seen substantial changes under the new ownership of Elon Musk. But some tweeters have retained their sense of humour, and often offered flashes of wisdom. Here are twelve selected from the early weeks of April.

Thanks to

@deelomas (2 nominations)

Phone rings:
Hello, my name is John from solar panel solutions, I understand you are the homeowner?
No, I’ve just broken in to the house.
I beg your pardon?
I’m a burglar.
Oh, well, I won’t keep you, thanks for your time.


My young co workers asked me to show them some photos of me in high school. I said I’d go home and dig some out. They said, “Can’t you just look on your phone?”
And I laughed and laughed and laughed and then I cried…

Is Easter better than Christmas? Posed by #JeremyVine. Presumably this question is aimed at a slightly backward amoeba.

I think I’m an armchair Republican. But this buildup to the Coronation Show is tilting me out of my armchair.

Is today a bank holiday?
It’s a public holiday here in Germany today, one of the so called silent ones (stiller Feiertag). Everything’s closed, there’s no sports, dances, noise allowed, and the year’s early local spring fairs are closed. In tune with this, it is dark, cloudy & rainy. I’m staying in bed.

That awkward moment when a Brexit loon tried to set fire to an EU flag but it wouldn’t burn because it meets EU regulations on flammable materials.

‘When a clown moves into a palace he doesn’t become a king, but the palace becomes a circus.’ Turkish proverb.

It blows my mind that so many Americans can believe in God while simultaneously watching children being massacred 🤯. Why the need for guns if God is looking out for you?

Kate Middleton breaks royal protocol with bold Easter manicure
Newsflash: adult woman gets her nails done.

If I’m reading their lips correctly…
My neighbours are arguing about some creepy lady who lives next door

A man is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”


Twitter wit and wisdom. New year edition 2023

January 3, 2023

Twitter continues its new uncharted course, with Captain Ahab aka Captain Musk at the helm. His willingness to reaccept tweets ‘in the interests of a libertarian philosophy begins to have unexpected consequences.

@kelvmackenzie: After 8pm tonight on @GBNews I will produce the super-sized bucket on Mark Dolan show ( he’s sitting in for Mark Steyn) to pour over a migrant system which grants asylum to 77% who apply here but only 25% in France and 37% over the whole EU. We are such mugs.
@Tudortweet: Think I’ve just found Jeremy Clarkson’s role model. Traces also detected on ruined toilets at Pompeii.

@Tudortweet: In the build-up to great holiday I would like wish everyone peace and good will. The ‘everyone’ is a bit of a stretch, as it’s work in progress.

@BorisJohnson: Merry Christmas to all! Wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season 🎅. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the year and give thanks for all that we have! #MerryChristmas
@AngelaRayner: I see the ghost of Christmas past has paid an early visit this year. 😱

@AwayFromTheKeys: A wee old woman passes away and as she’s been a kind old soul all her life, ends up in #heaven.
“Ooh, I’m in heaven”, she says to Peter, “can I meet #God?”.
“He’s currently in Scotland”, says Peter.
“Scotland? Why’s he in Scotland?”.
And Peter replies, “Working from home! “.

@EvLenz: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

@NicholasTyrone: Boris Johnson isn’t prime minister any longer, so why is he doing a prime ministerial, happy Christmas to all kind of video? Seems unnecessary and needlessly annoying.
@Tudortweet: 30% of Tory MPs, known as the Lemming Coalition, are urging the return of Boris Johnson.
@ConsPost: ‘All we want for Christmas is Boris back’ say 35,000 Conservative Post readers

@pv1004: Guests staying were a little bemused when the sophisticated cat toys they bought my black and white claw machine ignored the gifts, but had an ecstatic time with the wrapping paper for about 40 minutes, performing destructive shredding at its best. #CatsOnTwitter

@JohnSimpsonNews: My erudite classicist daughter tells me that the Arctic is so called because there are bears there; ‘Arktos’ being the Greek for bear. ‘Antarctic’ means ‘no bears’, she says.

@JonIzzard: This is why I prefer to describe myself as a manic depressive. Bipolar is geography and explains why polar bears don’t eat penguins.

@jjwalks: “I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said, ‘Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.’ So I got her nothing.”

@pv1004: Here’s a special treat that I forgot to tweet yesterday- joke from cracker – How does Jack Frost get to work? …….. By-icicles.

@Cobratate: Hello @GretaThunberg. I have 33 cars. My Bugatti has a w16 8.0L quad turbo. My TWO Ferrari 812 competizione have 6.5L v12s. This is just the start.Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions.
@GretaThunberg: yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [These tweets from Andrew Tate (@Cobratate) and Greta Thunberg made headline stories which were enhanced when Andrew Tate was arrested in Romania under suspicion of serious sexual wrongdoing]

@TudorTweet: Three Paras walk into a bar. Paranormal, Paracetamol, and Paraplui …
Finish the joke. There’s got to be a good one in there somewhere.
@TudorTweet: Here’s my effort
Three Paras walk into a bar. Paranormal, Paracetamol, and Paraplui …
ParaNormal disabled an attacker with a hypnotic stare.
Paracetamol stopped a fight painlessly.
Paraplui realised he was in the wrong film, and went back to Cherbourg.

@JoJoFromJerz: Maybe someday, women in America will have as many rights as guns do.

1 January
@Saccaguru: I went to A&E and it was full of immigrants. One bandaged my arm. Another gave me an X-ray

@horvitzpolitics: I always knock on the refrigerator door before opening in case there is a salad dressing

And that’s it for the start of 2023. Twitter along with the media is having trouble finding positive or amusing things about the New Year.

TR January 3 2023

The Wit and Wisdom of Twitter

December 9, 2022

Twitter has become a self-parodying system since the takeover by Elon Musk. It makes its own headlines. Its new owner contributes with his own messages, which at times take on a surreal character.

I’ve started collecting my favourite tweets, those which amuse me the most. They capture the everyday creativity to be found around us, wherever we look. Here is my first collection of recent tweets.


How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh? 


Of course, it only has 8 of those. So the first 2 were test-tickles


Tesco today

Bereft of eggs.

I mentioned it at check out. Was told it was due to the

Aviation flu

I love my Tesco 😂😂


Replying to @clecylad

Nasty. Aviation flu saw off the popular de Havilland aircraft company.

Also replying to @clecylad

Well, I went to the shop to buy fruit but they were Sans-Berries


[I know… very bad]

@FrankRoss 123

Dont be fooled by Origami, it only looks good on paper.


Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of erectile disfunction


I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: “Hardback?” and I was like: “Yeah, and little heads.”


I miss the times when each village only had one idiot.


I’m going to give you nearly all of politics for the next 2 years in two tweets:

(1) OBR- Real household disposable income per person, a measure of living standards, is set to fall 4.3% in 2022-23 the largest fall  since ONS records began in 1956-57.

(2) That is followed by the second-largest fall in 2023-24 at 2.8%.  That’ll only be the third time since 1956-57 that disposable income per person has fallen for two consecutive fiscal years. 

Should it happen or anything close, everything else will be embellishment and detail.


Do you know what a “watchamacallit” is?

@deelomas. Yes, it’s that thingamajig in the second drawer in the kitchen.


Pipe dream at best. How would you get a bill to end the House of Lords through the House of Lords?


From the above article, I liked the quote: Awarding Dylan the Nobel, he said “is like pinning a medal on Mt Everest for being the highest mountain.


You know, it’s odd isn’t it that any fish caught in the Channel belongs to the EU, but any humans found there belong to the U.K.?

@johnathanLevitt7 Mermaids always cause trouble

@Tudortweet So do philosophers.


I  was cutting my toenails this morning and one nail flew across the bathroom, hit the pedal bin, dented it, bounced up, broke the window, flow out and killed a crow that was flying past. I feel terrible about that, now.

If you have a favourite, please let me know.

Elon Musk’s scheme for Twitter hits the ground limping

November 2, 2022

Elon Musk continues his chaotic takeover of Twitter. He has finally clinched the on-off deal for Twitter with a deal quoted as an over-priced $44 billion. He is now proposing an extension of the site’s blue tick badge scheme for $8 a month. Millions of users are threatening to quit.

His actions  over the last few months have been that of an enormously wealthy vaccinating adolescent. At times he reflected market opinion that his object of desire was too expensive, and arguably mutton dressed up to look like lamb. 

Anyway the deal was eventually done. Mr Musk tweeted his delight, describing himself as the chief twit. His sense of humour is rarely far from the surface when he is appearing in public.

But it became clear he has grand plans for his new plaything, but no clear idea how to put them into practice. The plan is appropriately grandiose. Something about enhancing humankind by liberating voices in the global town square. His immediate actions were to fire the top team at Twitter, bring in his own firefighters, and start a discussion on Twitter on how to achieve results. First he has to make it pay.

We need to pay the bills somehow

He tweeted ‘we need to pay the bills somehow’ partly to clean up the site from an unknown number of bots and false accounts. This started a Twitter debate in which his original idea of $20 a head payment was eventually fixed at $8. Millions of users currently using the site for free were outraged. As you would expect, and no doubt Elon Musk expected. Undeterred he brought the debate to close.

“Twitter’s current lords & peasants system for who has or doesn’t have a blue checkmark is bullshit. Power to the people! Blue for $8/month,”

[That’s how this bad boy does business, folks

His initial target is expanding the current blue-tick badge scheme. At present, it protects public authorities as as Govt Departments from fake sites. It also caters for celebrity tweeters from politics, show biz, and the arts.Improvements to the scheme had already begun under Twitter’s earlier owners.

Doubts are being raised

Doubts are being raised beyond those of ‘furious peasants’ like myself who currently pay nothing. An examination by Verified Handles, a site dedicated to facts and carefully examined opinion, states:

Even to non-verified users this is a significant change from any verification schemes in the past. I’m familiar with smaller sites that use paid verification as a means to support development of the site. Twitter will need to change its revenue model as advertisers leave the platform. Musk has publicly stated he wants recurring paid customers to make up half of the company’s revenue.

Following an already turbulent few days, the platform will be taking a big risk that undeniably will cause impersonation, untrust and financial fraud on a scale never seen, followed by untrust and financial fraud before if the planned change goes ahead. This will cause more disruption than the 2020 account hijack, where 130 verified accounts were hacked and use to promote a bitcoin scam.

I am reminded of the nominated new word of the year for 2022 Permacrisis. A period of sustained turbulence and crisis.

52 Tweets I won’t be favouriting

December 20, 2016



Here are 52 tweets (minus URLs) I collected in a 24 hour period recently. They were chosen for the elitist rationale of a dislike for other people’s obsessions. Many are obviously click-bait. Most display interests which I do not share with the authors or with some target audience

If the tweets have been selected non-randomly through some Twitter Bot, there is something going seriously wrong with the algorithm.  The tweets are listed in the order in which I came across them, rather than in some kind of league table of level of nausea they produced. I have added a few comments which occurred to me and which stopped me getting too dispirited in my self-appointed task. I have retained some idiosyncratic grammar of the original tweets. On a recount, the number came to 53, which seems like a trifling discrepancy probably unconnected with intervention by a foreign government.

What happened when a man pulled a long hair from a pimple

Anything shocking about what a man sees in a photograph of his wife

Anything shocking about what a wife sees in a photograph of her husband

What putting vapor rub in your ear on a cotton bud overnight will do to you

What eating three bananas a day for a month will do to you

What happens next after letting your baby sleep with a very large dog/snake/combine harvester/blue whale

When someone puts socks on their wipers

When someone votes for Trump then discovers something shocking in his grits

When someone works out the manufacturing cost of an iPhone 7

Quiz telling me how dirty my mind really is


Picture of a man of eighty who hasn’t showered in sixty years

Picture of a man of sixty who hasn’t showered for eighty years

When a man takes a closer look at his wife doing something and is shocked to see…

When a Russian injects his semen into an egg (doesn’t say what kind) with shocking results

What Princess Diana might have looked like today

What any former celeb looks like today

How buying 100,000 twitter followers will change my life

What doctors revealed about strange marks on a son coming home after a party

Insane nail hacks

Twenty awesome things you would never believe happen without photographic evidence

Nest of vipers

Twenty awesome things you would never believe happen even with photographic evidence

What happens when you rub stuff on to your face\anywhere else

Quickest and heartiest way to get rid of bad breath\bad neighbors\bad thoughts

Ways to cool down my burning tongue\burning anywhere

What amazing thing happens when you press your forefinger for sixty seconds

See what happened to a painful bubble on her skin which continued to grow

The best and easy way to get rid of blackheads

Eight craziest things to come out of the human body

Fatal Selfies taken just before death that will give me goose bumps


Things to do to my penis so I won’t need Viagra

The something miraculous which happens if you put an onion in your ear over night

What you shouldn’t let grow out of your nose

Perfect response on Facebook to rude woman calling you a “dirty biker”

Instagram star with 70 inch booty shares video to silence haters who cry photoshop (took a while to translate, but still no thanks)

Baking power has miraculous powers to cure diseases, it even whitens teeth

The simplest way to remove blackhead and get a glowing face

After losing forty five pounds this guy played the most epic prank on his parents. (Did he crawl in the cat flap with a sub machine gun?)

Book Review WET DADDY

Girl proves that big boobs are useful

Winter of discontent

Bizarre photos that will make you say WTF

How to Get Rid of Cysts without Surgery with these Simple Tricks. Goodbye Cyst

Man Wants To Be Buried Like A Pharaoh. But His Wife Has …

This Is What Those Weird White Dots On Your Face Mean

Men Can Have Superpowers Right Away. Amazing Ways To Become Extraordinary (next tweet about women?)

If You Put A Clothespin On Your Earlobe For 5 Seconds, This Is The Incredible Effect

It’s Very Simple! Learn To Pop A Pimple Without Leaving A Scar

People Come From All Over The World To Cuddle 500 Kitties At This Cat Sanctuary

Disgusting Medical Treatments That Could Save Your Life

Get Rid Of Inhalers! This Miraculous Juice Will Totally Cure Asthma Attacks

“The one thing that could improve the health of all Canadians”, see Dr. Danielle Martin’s fine new book.


Dirtiest Parts Of Our Body. Mouth May Be One Of The Grossest Thing Of Our Body

Velvet drawstring shorts. Use code TIGER for 15% OFF Order now

Nigel Slater’s chipolata and cranberry batter pudding recipe


For the serious-minded media studies student


There is a promising research topic here. Talk with your tutors about Research design, qualitative research methods, saturation of constructs, research questions.

What is Twitter’s New Business Model?

October 19, 2015

Major changes are announced by Twitter. The company is cutting back on staff and reorganizing its leadership. But will it find a new Business Model?

One of persistent questions in the business press has been ‘what is Twitter’s business model?’ The company has grown sensationally but always on its potential to make money rather than short-term profit. In that respect it is similar to Amazon. LWD subscribers will find several posts on this topic.

Turnover of senior executives

Over the last few months there has been a rapid turnover of senior executives at Twitter. Its head Dick Costelo departed in July when a Board reshuffle saw its brilliant entrepreneurial co-founder Jack Dorsey return in a transition role as CEO.

This resulted in a sideways move for a Twitter insider Adam Bain, who was considered a candidate to take over from Mr Dorsey who was seen as more of an ideas man with great inspirational and motivational skills.

Then earlier this month, [5 October 2015] Dorsey’s interim position was reclassified as a permanent one as CEO. This left unresolved a possible clash of interests with his involvement with Square, a fast growing mobile payments company in which he still retains executive responsibilities. As the new CEO, Mr Dorsey acted swiftly and announced major staff reductions at Twitter in a major restructuring plan.

Here comes Omid

One week after his appointment, Mr Dorsey also announced the arrival of Mr Omid Kordestani, an influential figure at Google whose reinvention of its corporate self as Alphabet may have contributed to Kordestani’s move to new challenges at Twitter.

Outsiders considered that further moves are required to give the company stability and coherent leadership. The official role of Mr Kordestani is as executive chairman. It remains to be seen how the leadership roles at Twitter will play out, and how the Company will redefine its business model.

The $39 dilemma: should I start tweeting by buying a few thousand followers?

June 23, 2015

Twitter teems with offers through which you can buy followers by the thousand.  This seems the social media equivalent of the sub-prime financing of mortgages  

A few months ago I started tweeting more regularly. This relatively harmless occupation was rewarded as I connected with a small number of discriminating tweeters who followed me, and I them. Tit-for-tat following was part of social media practice.  It also explains how ‘like attracts like’.  My followers and following grew steadily month by month. The scale was still manageable.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Not today, not tomorrow and probably not anytime soon.” The tragedy of Charleston

June 19, 2015

 A foreign journalist captured the view that legal steps to deal with gun violence in America were only a remote possibility.

BBC journalist Anthony Zurcher wrote an article in the wake of the Charleston massacre this week [17th June, 2015] He outlined the events involved before a young man perpetrating a race-hate crime with the hand gun he obtained as a 21st birthday present, a few months earlier.

As Kurcher put it

“At some point, we as a country will have to reckon with the fact that this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries,” Mr Obama said on Thursday morning.

He continued: “I say that recognising the politics in this town forecloses a lot of those avenues right now. But it would be wrong for us not to acknowledge it. And at some point it’s going to be important for the American people to come to grips with it, and for us to be able to shift how we think about the issue of gun violence collectively.”

At some point – as in not today, not tomorrow and probably not anytime soon.

The outcry of pain and anger was none the less poignant for being over-familiar.

Deeply held and contrary belief systems were expressed with little evidence of willingness to understand contrary beliefs and fears. Clint Eastwood’s tweet was retweeted over a hundred times.Another tweeter expounded the dangers of churches being declared firearm- free zones.

Glenn Reynolds, a law professor with nearly 400,000 tweets to his name was cited by Kurcher as commenting that the President could always try being honest for a change.

The American Dream 

Around the world,  the American dream is increasingly being scrutinized with a mix of puzzlement and despair I have little to add to what I wrote briefly about the Sandy Hook school massacre last year. 

Tweeting 140 characters is as inadequate as writing another blogpost or even another book on leadership.

The Twitter Manifesto

April 23, 2015

ManifestoGood morning and welcome to the launch of the Twitter Manifesto. I speak on behalf of our great spiritual leader Stephen who is fasting for forty days as a gesture of his humility

He has trusted groundlings such as myself to capture his will (if not his incomparable wit) in presenting our Manifesto to the world.

Today is a further step forward to millions of tweeters who until now have no representation in any Parliament outside the twittersphere. Our pledge is to work towards a referendum for an independent Twittersphere.

The digital click

We seek a poll  based on a simple digital yes or no click, on the question:

Should The Twittersphere be granted complete political and economic independence from any outside influences?

Our Manifesto outlines the overwhelming case for a yes vote, and the steps we, The Twitter Nationalist Party, intend to take, to secure such an outcome

Our triumphal journey

First, I would like to indicate the enormous strides taken by twitter as the dominant global communication movement over the last ten years. Since our inception in 2006 by founding fathers Jack Dorsey, Evan Williams, Biz Stone and Noah Glass we have gained worldwide popularity.

The ecstatic formation

The conception took in a pronged day of ecstatic frenzy held by board members of the podcasting company Odeo. Within months, the enlightened ones had formed Obvious Corporation and acquired Odeo, together with its assets.

By 2012 our 100 million users were posting 340 million tweets every day. EVERY DAY. Now, at the start of 2015, we are proud to report that number has grown to an incredible 500 million users, over half of whom are dedicated and serial tweeters.

From Larry to Twitter Bird

In that year, we unveiled the replacement to the beloved Larry the Bird with an updated icon we have called “Twitter Bird” .

Our triumph over naysayers

In 2014 we triumphed over a cynical world of naysayers who doubted that we had a business model, and launched our glorious Initial Public offering.

Over a tumultuous decade, we  have overcome many setbacks. Vicious and spiteful individuals attempted to abuse our high moral intentions with outbursts of malicious trolling.

Our achievements

Twitter has been used to organize protests, sometimes referred to as “Twitter Revolutions”, which include the Egyptian revolution, (2011) The Arab Spring, (2009–2010) and other outburst of e-activism. Twitter has proved itself as an effective emergency communication system for breaking news. For example, The Boston Police tweeted news of the arrest of the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombing suspect through our services.

Today, Twitter is used in scientific studies to track epidemics and acts to signal natural disasters such as bush fires.

Truly, Twitter is the global political movement of the future, and I commend it to all for your support in achieving our noble goals.

And now for your questions

Thank you. And now for your questions, (in no more than 140 characters, please).

Je Suis Charlie today, Not In My Name tomorrow

January 9, 2015

January 7th 2015 will be remembered as the day in Paris where two gunmen shouting religious slogans killed eight staff members of the satirical publication Charlie Hebdo, as well as two bystanders and police officers. Within hours, Je Suis Charlie, became the slogan in support of the murdered journalists. It spread around the world

Late in the evening, still wrestling with the news of dreadful carnage I turned first to BBC’s Newsnight and later to the views expressed in the Social Media.

Harrowing scenes from Paris dominated the BBS’s Newsnight programme, with a serious discussion of the political issues behind the all-too human pain and anger over the atrocity. Perhaps too narrow a band of participating voices? The programme uneasily admitted to the difficult decision whether it should show the cartoons from Charlie Hebdo that had brought down on it cold-blooded murder of its cartoonists.

The Social media debate

It was the intensity and variety of the Twitter stream that jerked me out of a state of numbness. What are you feeling? What can you share? I forced myself to ask.

Tweets were being generated moment by moment. I began to see my dilemma. I shared the expressions of revulsion being expressed. I marveled at the creation of social cohesion captured in Je suis Charlie. If you are against everything symbolized by the acts of the assassins, surely you must be as utterly committed to supporting the principles symbolized by Charlie Hebdo?

Bill Maher ‏@billmaher Jan 7

Condemning attack is not enuf: unless U strongly endorse the right of anyone to make fun of any religion/prophet, U r not a moderate Muslim

Tudor Rickards ‏@Tudortweet

@billmaher however, the right to make fun of anyone is not of itself something I “strongly support” as a guiding moral principle.

trianglman ‏@trianglman Jan 7 responding to Bill Maher

It’s never appropriate to be a dick. Asking people to not only condone dickishness, but endorse it is ridiculous.

PM ‏@StLFullORacists Jan 7 responding to Bill Maher and trianglman

@trianglman @billmaher Don’t think he’s condoning being a dick (maybe), rather endorsing the right to be a dick w/o getting killed.

Tudor Rickards ‏@Tudortweet responding to trianglman

@StLFullORacists @trianglman @billmaher think you got deeper than most here. Wisdom not correlated with number of followers.

Tudor Rickards ‏@Tudortweet attempting to resolve personal dilemmas

Je suis Charlie. of course, today. Then, later see how Not in my name is stronger for tomorrow.

January 8th 2014

The Trump Card

From America, Donald Trump opined that the journalists would have had a better chance of surviving if there were more legal guns available in France. Although Trump was widely described as moronic, it seems his view also received support from Americans calling for him to stand as President

7-9 January

A further atrocity is linked to the attack. After three days of intense search, two inter-related sieges end in further bloodshed

11 January

World-wide support for Charlie Hebdo in largest demonstration in nation’s history in Paris

14 January

Sympathy and financial support for Charlie Hebdo as first edition of magazine is published after the attack.