Twitter has seen substantial changes under the new ownership of Elon Musk. But some tweeters have retained their sense of humour, and often offered flashes of wisdom. Here are twelve selected from the early weeks of April.
@deelomas (2 nominations)
Hello, my name is John from solar panel solutions, I understand you are the homeowner?
No, I’ve just broken in to the house.
I beg your pardon?
I’m a burglar.
Oh, well, I won’t keep you, thanks for your time.
🕙 BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!… [10pm]
My young co workers asked me to show them some photos of me in high school. I said I’d go home and dig some out. They said, “Can’t you just look on your phone?”
And I laughed and laughed and laughed and then I cried…
Is Easter better than Christmas? Posed by #JeremyVine. Presumably this question is aimed at a slightly backward amoeba.
I think I’m an armchair Republican. But this buildup to the Coronation Show is tilting me out of my armchair.
Is today a bank holiday?
It’s a public holiday here in Germany today, one of the so called silent ones (stiller Feiertag). Everything’s closed, there’s no sports, dances, noise allowed, and the year’s early local spring fairs are closed. In tune with this, it is dark, cloudy & rainy. I’m staying in bed.
That awkward moment when a Brexit loon tried to set fire to an EU flag but it wouldn’t burn because it meets EU regulations on flammable materials.
‘When a clown moves into a palace he doesn’t become a king, but the palace becomes a circus.’ Turkish proverb.
It blows my mind that so many Americans can believe in God while simultaneously watching children being massacred 🤯. Why the need for guns if God is looking out for you?
Kate Middleton breaks royal protocol with bold Easter manicure
Newsflash: adult woman gets her nails done.
If I’m reading their lips correctly…
My neighbours are arguing about some creepy lady who lives next door
A man is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”