Twitter wit and wisdom. New year edition 2023

January 3, 2023

Twitter continues its new uncharted course, with Captain Ahab aka Captain Musk at the helm. His willingness to reaccept tweets ‘in the interests of a libertarian philosophy begins to have unexpected consequences.

@kelvmackenzie: After 8pm tonight on @GBNews I will produce the super-sized bucket on Mark Dolan show ( he’s sitting in for Mark Steyn) to pour over a migrant system which grants asylum to 77% who apply here but only 25% in France and 37% over the whole EU. We are such mugs.
@Tudortweet: Think I’ve just found Jeremy Clarkson’s role model. Traces also detected on ruined toilets at Pompeii.

@Tudortweet: In the build-up to great holiday I would like wish everyone peace and good will. The ‘everyone’ is a bit of a stretch, as it’s work in progress.

@BorisJohnson: Merry Christmas to all! Wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season 🎅. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the year and give thanks for all that we have! #MerryChristmas
@AngelaRayner: I see the ghost of Christmas past has paid an early visit this year. 😱

@AwayFromTheKeys: A wee old woman passes away and as she’s been a kind old soul all her life, ends up in #heaven.
“Ooh, I’m in heaven”, she says to Peter, “can I meet #God?”.
“He’s currently in Scotland”, says Peter.
“Scotland? Why’s he in Scotland?”.
And Peter replies, “Working from home! “.

@EvLenz: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

@NicholasTyrone: Boris Johnson isn’t prime minister any longer, so why is he doing a prime ministerial, happy Christmas to all kind of video? Seems unnecessary and needlessly annoying.
@Tudortweet: 30% of Tory MPs, known as the Lemming Coalition, are urging the return of Boris Johnson.
@ConsPost: ‘All we want for Christmas is Boris back’ say 35,000 Conservative Post readers

@pv1004: Guests staying were a little bemused when the sophisticated cat toys they bought my black and white claw machine ignored the gifts, but had an ecstatic time with the wrapping paper for about 40 minutes, performing destructive shredding at its best. #CatsOnTwitter

@JohnSimpsonNews: My erudite classicist daughter tells me that the Arctic is so called because there are bears there; ‘Arktos’ being the Greek for bear. ‘Antarctic’ means ‘no bears’, she says.

@JonIzzard: This is why I prefer to describe myself as a manic depressive. Bipolar is geography and explains why polar bears don’t eat penguins.

@jjwalks: “I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said, ‘Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.’ So I got her nothing.”

@pv1004: Here’s a special treat that I forgot to tweet yesterday- joke from cracker – How does Jack Frost get to work? …….. By-icicles.

@Cobratate: Hello @GretaThunberg. I have 33 cars. My Bugatti has a w16 8.0L quad turbo. My TWO Ferrari 812 competizione have 6.5L v12s. This is just the start.Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions.
@GretaThunberg: yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com [These tweets from Andrew Tate (@Cobratate) and Greta Thunberg made headline stories which were enhanced when Andrew Tate was arrested in Romania under suspicion of serious sexual wrongdoing]

@TudorTweet: Three Paras walk into a bar. Paranormal, Paracetamol, and Paraplui …
Finish the joke. There’s got to be a good one in there somewhere.
@TudorTweet: Here’s my effort
Three Paras walk into a bar. Paranormal, Paracetamol, and Paraplui …
ParaNormal disabled an attacker with a hypnotic stare.
Paracetamol stopped a fight painlessly.
Paraplui realised he was in the wrong film, and went back to Cherbourg.

@JoJoFromJerz: Maybe someday, women in America will have as many rights as guns do.

1 January
@Saccaguru: I went to A&E and it was full of immigrants. One bandaged my arm. Another gave me an X-ray

@horvitzpolitics: I always knock on the refrigerator door before opening in case there is a salad dressing

And that’s it for the start of 2023. Twitter along with the media is having trouble finding positive or amusing things about the New Year.

TR January 3 2023

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