Guardianistas Anonymous: A recovery plan

November 8, 2017

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In escaping from my addiction to the Guardian newspaper, I have today taken the first step. Recovery begins in recognizing the dangers accompanying your condition

 

My decline into the addiction is easy to trace. For some years, my loyalty was for another British newspaper. It fell on hard times, and in time, reduced its print content, including dispensing with a daily chess column of which I was inordinately fond.

I turned to The Guardian. A. Fatal choice. Admittedly, my new paper lacks a chess column, a grievous weakness. However, I found the content greatly to my liking. I had been a latent Gardianista for many years. I was soon hooked.

 

What is a Guardianista?

The term is used typically to categorize Guardian readers as being disposed to socially liberal and politically correct views (well, OK, I can live with that), and hypersensitive to politically incorrect actions or language.

A good example of the view from the outside can be found in a discussion thread from mumsnet:

What do mumsnetters mean when they use the phrase “Guardianistas”?

Ok, Dinosaur, I admit I use the term in a derogatory way, and I would not use it to classify all Guardian readers  I started to explain but it turned into a mini-essay, so to cut it short a middle class but not necessarily wealthy person, who is extremely pretentious about “art” and other “bohemian” topics. Feels superior to those on similar incomes who perhaps have less education etc. because they use recycled loo paper. Will stop now.

The critical incident for me in my descent into helplessness was another dependency-inducing product I began overdosing on everyday, and which I found lurking on the back page of the G2 supplement, itself concealed in the Sports Section of the Guardian.

The Quick Crossword

I became hooked very quickly. In time, I became unable to attend to other matters until I had completed the quick crossword. It is particularly seductive as you become increasingly addicted as you appear to be needing only two or three more answers to obtain the gratification of closure. Even sneakier, The Guardian provides a free solution on line, either for a frustrating clue, or for the entire puzzle.

The on-line fix

Then already weakened, I fall more deeply into helpless addiction. I now subscribe to the free daily on-line Guardian, an equally potent drug. Day by day, my resistance is weakened. I now spend increasing time considering the merits of full-on Veganism and everyday cruelties to oppressed minorities.

I reach out to other Guardianistas

I am seeking help from the institution for recovering Guardianistas. I am still at the first of their ten step journey to partial recovery. I am already able to read the headlines off other newspapers. I am starting with the new mini Independent, The i. Later I will be encouraged to look at the headlines of The Mirror. When these challenges become less threatening, I shall move on to confronting the terrifying front pages of The Daily Mail and The Sun.

Further reports on my steps to recovery to follow.

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